I actually had a few blogs in progress regarding the past few weeks. I had my annual holiday shindig a few weeks back with a healthy turn out of people that dropped in and left their appetites at home or they were shy. Then again I hail from Scottish heritage, pretty sure that means I’m hardwired to make a spread to feed an army if the occassion called for it. Ironically enough, my garage was a centerpiece of discussion. Forward to the holidays that were chock full of friends and family over, with good eats and good times. I was the source of a few allergies, but I seem to have a knack for that. My auntie Pam in particular, largely because her kids kinda destroyed Christmas for her some a years back, a story of which isn’t really my business to tell here beyond that I have a hard time understanding how a set of selfish hand out and ready for a handout they’re expectant of people came from her.
The thing of it is, I sit here now reflective, but more so concerned. I found out at work today that my cousin lost her baby boy last night, they think it was SIDS. She’s 23 and her three month old lil boy was her first child. My mom talked with her today, I’ll be calling tomorrow. Apparently her birth mom, who lives nearby popped in and out, but didn’t stay with her. And apparently there wasn’t a flight out of California to Florida today either for her parents to hop on. [long story short, her birth mother abandoned her and her sister when they were young, then wanted back in when they were older after a surge of something..] Without knowing the webbing that makes up the family that is my aunt, uncle and their two daughters, this seems cold. But it’s an honest observation. And it maddens me. My cousin is alone in her baby’s room staring at an empty crib and you don’t need to be wholly intuitive to know she’s prolly recited ‘if only she hadn’t worked that night’ hundreds of times and the father, he’s prolly racked with guilt since he put the lil one down to sleep for the night and went to sleep after- no doubt thinking the monitor will pick up anything. But the nature of SIDS is it happens, and there’s no explanation, no wherefore or how, it happens. And I’m sure no amount of rationale in regards to that will ease their pain. The point is they need someone there, not when its convenient to other people, preferably immediate family. My aunt and uncle should have been on one of the first flights they could catch today…price shouldn’t be an issue. She needs her parents and where were they today? Well, for four hours my aunt was on the internet looking at fares, cars, hotels. My uncle ended up at work [though I’m sure it was because he’d be away from my aunt, who decided being drunk again was a good way to deal]. And somewhere today amidst the phone calls, we’re reminded that the focus is on their youngest daughter who is devastated…according to my aunt. Somewhere in this, the fact that my cousin lost her three month old baby was already overlooked. Or rather, the focus was redirected. And that’s the thing, this is about their eldest daughter and her SO.
As I alluded, her birth mother is no one to depend on. She is the typical user for selfish means, which means she’ll play the part of grieving and consoling grams, until she realizes that this isn’t something that will be over in a couple weeks, then it’ll be a chore. This kind of pain never dies..it grows. And this is where, despite my budding anger at my aunt and uncle, my concern is greater. Because I know what she’s going through, more importantly, I know what the time ahead of her will hold for her. And given the support circle that she doesn’t have, she’ll be in a great deal of pain. I believe for the first time in a long time, she was genuinely happy and now she’s devastated. Not only that, she’s a bit frantic, she doesn’t know what to do in regards to making arrangements. Again I go back to the needing someone there for her. As it stands right now, she really doesn’t have that, except save for her sister. Ultimately I fear for her.
I say this because she’s the eldest and when you hear my aunt talk about her daughters, the eldest is just their other daughter. Her youngest is clearly the apple of her eye whereas the elder has been written off due to the mistakes she’s made in her life. Or rather, she didn’t make the choices her parents wanted her to make. They missed the point even if they turned out to be the ‘wrong’ choices. Basically she’s been on her own for much longer than since she was eighteen, at least emotionally and mentally. She’s always gotten the short end of the stick, but I’m at a true loss that she’s getting just that yet again, given what she now faces.
ticia says
Wow. Sorry to hear that Chelle. My thoughts are with you.
Chelle says
Thanks ticia.:D I’m fine. I’m hoping I can say the same of my catching my tongue before I say it abilities when we go for the funeral.