“..or I’m turning into a gay man.”
“Yep, that could very well be it.”
I was in K-mart having this phone conversation with my mom. She’d met me at the doc office with a Mint Mocha Frap, the new creation from Starbucks, whom I proclaim repeatedly is overrated, but their fraps are divine and I would franchise in a heartbeat if they did it. What? Life’s boring without contradictions. We had talked outside the office about the results of my blood tests and what that meant, all the while, I’m fumbling with the reading material and referral cards I had been handed, my frap and getting inside the car.
And I didn’t get scolded either. I feel almost gypped. Ok, I got a little scolded but not nearly as much as I usually do. Mebbe it’s because I told her I know what’s going on and causing so much chaos to my health.
“It can all lead back to stress”
So my doc and I talked about that after we discussed my test results and I told her what I had written in regards to how I’m feeling. I conceded that the whole drama with getting Casa Primer threw me off my routine and my tried and true methods to keep my stress at manageable levels had been shot. Historically speaking, I should be reduced to nothing reminiscent of the Chelle you and I know. But I’m also bull-headed. I’m too stubborn to let myself go without a fight, even if it is a losing battle in some regard.
The reason for said tests were because I discovered something that alarmed me. I monitor my biofeedback- it’s how I know something’s amiss. And previously I said that things have changed so that my monitoring isn’t as helpful. I had time to think on that more and realized that’s complete and utter horse shite. I didn’t want to be in trouble. Because somewhere in my psyche that translates to failure. And as much progress I have made reigning in my perfectionism, that reaction is perhaps hardwired into me still. I blame that partly on people’s expectations, mostly on me for trying to fulfill them instead of my own. Ironically, a lot of them became my own and just stuck. Some things require nuclear re-promgramming, which is just a whole heap of patience and teeth gnashing. Least it is for me.
So what raised red flags? I noticed an increase in hair growth, which is basically annoying and has you really re-thinking any no wax stance [which only wavers until the remembrance of pain sets me straight. Sorry, the nether regions are way too sensitive for that.]
But what had me going to the doc was the fact that it was darkening and seeing hair grow in places that was just beyond the occasional sprout in odd spots-which is annoyingly normal. The increase and darkening I wouldn’t have been given a second thought, beyond the scowl and, ‘damn it all…-grumble-’ except I remembered a visit to the lady doc and I was asked if I had noticed those very things. I remembered because 1) that was the first I’d been asked at a Lady Doc visit and 2) I thought it was a bit odd. So naturally I looked that up to understand a bit more. Hormones. She was making sure my hormone dosage in my pill was adequate since I needed a low dose. [the freshman 15 turned into the freshmen fifty..I wanted the weight loss side effect dammit!]. And let’s not forget that I had more than the odd sprout in places..like my chest. And let’s face it, THAT, is not normal. That’s EW.
I came off the pill well over a year ago, able to enjoy weight loss as the fruits of my workout regimen and I notice this happening though it was slow. But I had noticed it on the pill too; I just wrote it off, because I was embarrassed really and I had read that a few annoying sprouts here and there are normal. I got over that whole image people expect versus remaking myself in my own image. Now I don’t give one or two ways about it. Suffice to say having to Nair more often that I had to made me shed of my shyness and go to my doc. I think it doesn’t hurt that I like her and I can talk with her. And she agreed, I shouldn’t have to be bothered with that till menopause [yay..no really].
The visit yesterday tells me my hormone levels are fine. Some are a bit on the low end of the range, some high, but nothing to flag anything. There was something in my blood that’s a precursor to Testosterone that is abnormal and explains my body’s new mechanism to keep me warm since I don’t have a guy. Who said Mother Nature isn’t looking out for me, right? So I’m being referred to an Endocrinologist for treatment. I’m eyeing that Laser treatment now that I have a diagnosis so the insurance can’t hit me with, ‘It’s cosmetic, we ain’t paying’ shite. Two birds with one stone and us geeks are all for efficiency. Never have to wax the brows again…the thought makes me all tingly. Tingly’s good.
So while talking with her on the phone in K-mart I ooo’ed in mid conversation:
“They have an elephant soap dish that would go with my bath motif”
“Chelle, put the credit card away” [which I resent, I totally used debit]
“Gyah..I’m getting so girly with all this shopping, seriously, what’s up with me?”
“Hormones”
“Yeah, but I’m leaning on the male side of that, remember? –pause for thought-.. or I’m turning into a gay man.”
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